Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
