I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
