i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
