I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
