Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize