hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑