even my farts smell like vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
