Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.

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(813): dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though. http://tfl.nu/527j

Replies (13) Good night (1440) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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(612): View more from Minnesota

from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.

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(612): from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/b39s

Replies (27) Good night (654) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
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(253): View more from Washington

oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

(1-253): View more from Washington

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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(253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca

Replies (71) Good night (5484) Bad night (470)
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(302): View more from Delaware

It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.

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(302): It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it. http://tfl.nu/3oo8

Replies (17) Good night (639) Bad night (5648) Order T-Shirt
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(520): View more from Arizona

Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

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(520): Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6hir

Replies (19) Good night (5447) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

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(303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj

Replies (21) Good night (4977) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I had a frozen water bed.

(253): View more from Washington

best. idea. ever.

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(734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7

Replies (58) Good night (5653) Bad night (1909)
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(+32): View more from Belgium

this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk

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(+32): this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk http://tfl.nu/muj2

Replies (8) Good night (2946) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
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(254): View more from Texas

I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.

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(254): I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah. http://tfl.nu/4ff0

Replies (18) Good night (738) Bad night (5362) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.

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(330): ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again. http://tfl.nu/4ubg

Replies (10) Good night (834) Bad night (2228) Order T-Shirt
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(253): View more from Washington

drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA

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(253): drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA http://tfl.nu/xnrm

Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
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(765): View more from Indiana

I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

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(765): I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it. http://tfl.nu/7uod

Replies (9) Good night (1809) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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(+02): View more from

I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods

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(+02): I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods http://tfl.nu/ntv5

Replies (1) Good night (911) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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(772): View more from Florida

Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.

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(772): Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with. http://tfl.nu/bsvi

Replies (14) Good night (707) Bad night (248)
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(904): View more from Florida

I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.

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(904): I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing. http://tfl.nu/6kf7

Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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