YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.