I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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