Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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