I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
