I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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