Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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