not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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