Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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