she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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