I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Canadian or clown?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail