i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Still dying that you shit outside
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
