I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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