I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
