I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
