Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
