New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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