Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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