i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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