Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
