I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
