Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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