At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
