haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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