My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
