i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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