Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
