i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
