Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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