Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
