The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize