i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
