i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
