No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
