I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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