You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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