Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
