My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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