fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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