i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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