Say something about gay babies.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
