So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
