My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
