Swine flu. Run for my life!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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