I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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