call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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