ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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