Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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