mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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