Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
