thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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