I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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