we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
