No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
