dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
