Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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