i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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