Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
