i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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