I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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