Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
