Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
