its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
