I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
