i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
