I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
