Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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