You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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