If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
