I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
