just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
