We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
