my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
