It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
