I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This baby is an asshole
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
