Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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