somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
