sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
