i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize