I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
