his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
