did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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