There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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