I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
